REMEMBER, this is simply a symbol of exchange.  There are lots of other, far more important, exchanges in life. 

So many modern decisions are made based on money.  Please lets start making decisions based on things that are actually important, rather than something, that if you get right down to it, is simply something made up, that so many of us choose to believe is important.

If my life story was a relative it would be the eccentric aunt or uncle.  The one that in the right circumstances is the most interesting and fun person to be with, but in the wrong circumstances is just plain embarrassing.  I guess I am really fond of my life story, but at times I cross the street and pretend I am with some-one else :)

If you have been at all interested in my rather sparse interactions here on Zaadz recently then you will know that I have been struggling a bit.  The universe it seems is listening though, and there have been adverts popping up all over the place for a TV competition to be in a musical, I LOVE musicals, and I need to sing more, so I have signed up for the audition.  I am not at all sure that I am what they are looking for, but that is not the point.  I really want to experience doing the audition, and I guess I want to throw my life into the winds of fate a little.  If they did take me on then my entire life would have to change for a short time, and it seems like the right time to introduce that possibility into my life.  So wish me luck, and fingers crossed that I won't get on TV for being totally deludedly terrible :)  I do hope that I get some air time though, because I want to see if they subtitle me (which would be an amusing way of telling me that my danish is even more eccentric than I thought).  This whole thing has injected a little of the joyful playfulness back into my life, that was sorely lacking for a while. 

I know that it is madness to take on something else when life already seems too full, but if it is going to be full, then I would rather that it was full of music, than anything else. And as I have written this then 2 people have phoned to cancel their appointments with me today, which feels like permission to do things a little differently for a while.

Ok, I've been tagged by ginieagle I am supposed to say 7 weird things about myself (what only 7?????) so here goes.

1. I self medicate with chocolate, when I am tired than I fall asleep the moment that I start meditating, so I eat a couple of squares of dark chocolate (fair-trade, organic of course) and then I stay awake!

2.  I lived in a tent with my 2yr old son, in Sicily, for over 4 mths, many years ago.  My life had fallen apart, and I had no idea what to do next, so I did this.  We had no electric, only cold running water, and no laundrette.  I would heat water on the one gas ring we had, to wash clothes, sheets..... EVERYTHING, by hand, and learned to get to the shower on the beach at the right time, because the sun would have heated the water in the pipes a little.  We lived on fresh fruit and veg, and lived in the fresh air.  It was an amazingly healing experience, and I learned how little you need to be happy, and how much of what we think is important is actually stressful.  On the way home we stayed in a tiny hotel room with a telly in the corner, I switched it on to amuse my son.  There were birds, and then the program finished. He cried because he wanted the birds back.  How wonderful to have a child that simply had no concept of telly.

3.  I laugh at the worst times, the deeper a situation is, the more likely I am to find the humour in it, which makes me embarrassing company at times.

4.  I believe that the hardest things in life to say are often the most important. I find that it is the hidden things that make life complicated and hard, and that honest openness makes life easier.  I will say almost anything, which makes many people uncomfortable.

5.  My bliss is in the woods singing at the top of my voice.

6.  I regularly find myself singing in the supermarket, and I deliberately sing while bicycling.

7.  I am really the most open person you could ever meet, but have been "frowned at" enough for that, that I am painfully shy as well.  You will either be greeted by huge amounts of warmth, or I will avoid eye contact and sidle away, and you never really know which one you will get.

It's really hit me today what I have taken on.  In a really big way it has brought home the fact that I need to start taking care of myself.  I have 9 days to get over a cold which I have already had for 3 weeks.  My voice is at best average at the moment, and there is no point doing this unless I can give it my best.

I need to sort out how I look, there is no point turning up looking like a worn out mum.  This is something I should be doing anyway.  If you look good you feel better on the inside too.  My hairdresser is away for a while, so I have to find a new one.  This could be a good thing, but now is not the time for a bad hair day/week.  I am going to have to practice makeup again too.  I haven't really worn any for years.

Basically I am really nervous.  I spoke to my husband on the phone, he really thinks that i am in with a chance, which is really sweet, especially because if I do "get through" then his life becomes chaos.  Admittedly he hasn't been around to hear me rehearse, which is not sounding too great at this point.  Cold PLEASE go away.

It is still possible that I will wimp out, but on some level I really feel that I need to do this, and do it to the best of my ability, just so I can look back and say I really gave it a go.  I just have to deal with all the "considerings" before hand ie I don't want to look back and say I did well considering the lack of sleep/cold etc. 

I also need to spend some time in front of a mirror, which I guess could be healthy.  (I have been known to have toothpaste on my face for most of the day, mirrors are not a huge part of my daily life.  I need to practice performing, which I haven't done for a LONG time, and I hope that I can make some progress with that.

So my aims for the next week:

Sleep as much as I can (hopefully 4yr old will start sleeping again)
Take as much time off as I can (this is not easy at all)
Book myself in for some pampering (haven't done that in ages, feels like a great excuse)
Sort out my hair (miracles are possible!)
Make sure I get plenty of exercise even when I feel like slumping.
Spend rediculous amounts of time in front of a mirror, trying to convey something fabulous.